I Am Your Comptroller

Q1 financials are in!

25 past-due appreciated securities finally saw some strong post-fiscal results with an admittedly sub-standard 85.33 pLI rounding out the balance sheet.  25 forecasted on the 9s, but thankfully we only had to 33 five re-directed de-listed derivatives on the exchange.  523 reports were good. The offshore double recalculated on-the-mark barrier trades didn't hurt our position, but long-term depreciation schedules should see an uptick based on 23-5671.44/6098.  And 30+--67989003.55/438974:66 at a base conjunction of 4564.--8889677878!  Wow!

Respectfully submitted,

Stan Stanley, Comptroller, Awesomtown!!1!, LLC

Pirate Sightings on the Increase, People Outraged.

ARG You Ready?

Awesomtown!!1! is in a panic at what seems to be a new epidemic. Pirates! The scurvy dogs have invaded the once sleepy neighborhood of Slightly Meadows.

"We think the Pirates are attracted to Slightly Meadows because of it's world famous juice bars," said policeman Carl, "They crave vitamin C."

Officials have proposed a plan to contain the Pirates in Slightly Meadows. Councilwoman Large Marge reports that Awesomtown!!1! has not written off Slightly Meadows and will fight the Pirates everywhere they show their cutlasses.

The increase of Pirate and Pirate related activity in Awesomtown!!1! has some residents hopping mad.

"I can't throw a rock without hitting a freakin' Pirate" say Joe Snuggles, Jr, "It's getting ridiculous."

Could this turn into….

Cont. B12

Meet the People of Awesomtown!!1!

Clara is Here and You Better Know It.

Hi, I'm Clara, the It Girl of Awesomtown. Whatever "it" is, I've got It.

My hair always looks great, even when I've done nothing other than sleep on it all night.
My smile is always dazzling, even when it's withering (and I do give the most withering glances)
My outfits are cute and I always, always play in pearls.

Wherever I go, an amazing dance number is happening. Sometimes it is musical theatre. Sometimes it is hip hop. Clear fact of the matter is, I fall somewhere in-between class and raunch. But the clearer fact of the matter is, I couldn't care less what you think about it.

This is me.
Bam.

Photo by Mike Hipple

Meet the People of Awesomtown!!1!

Crazy-Eye Wilson, Mayor

Crazy-Eye Wilson is the mayor of Awesomtown!!1! Where did he come from? What makes him tick? Let's find out.

Crazy-Eye was born at the age of 3 to Mary Jo and Henry "Hank" Wilson in upstate South Dakota. He was an incredibly homely child with the pale wandering eyes of a mollusk. Originally named Dwight Eleanor Wilson he didn't get the moniker "Crazy-Eye" until he left home at age 14 to become a Hobo. Life hopping the trains agreed with Crazy-Eye and he quickly became a prominent figure among the itinerant population of North America. Crazy-Eye first came to Awesomtown!!1! in…

Cont. D7

Welcome to Awesomtown!!1!

Are you looking for a greener pasture? Are you left wanting with today's malaise? A new dawn is on the horizon and it is called Awesometown!!1! What you might not know is that Awesomtown!!1! is a place for everyone. Come downtown and meet Pressman or the Nihilist. Head over to the local coffee shop and join the discussion of environmental economics with the Comptroller and the Activist. Maybe a quite afternoon at the beauty salon with Jersey Girl is more your style. Awesomtown!!1! has it all, even a…

Cont. on A14