Meet the People of Awesomtown!!1!

Awe-Kward Moments with Bob

HI EVERYBODY!
I'm Bob Awe-kward of Awesomtown!!1!
I'm so glad to be given this column in the Awesomtown Times!. . . I think this will be a great place for me to help explain some of the difficult positions people find themselves in when they are around me, and/or vice-a-versa.
Let's Break the Ice:
Did anyone ever say the one about how my dog got caught in my lawnmower? HE SURE GOT IN TROUBLE THAT DAY!!! Ha ha ha . . -- wait, that's not how you say it. It's a joke. Lighten up!
ANYHOO, just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Bob Awe-kward! No worries (and when I say "no worries", I mean you shouldn't worry) about feeling awkward around me, cuz I'm sure to be awkwarder (haha, people are always saying, "that's just what [you] always say!")! I'm not afraid to be who I am, but others might be afraid of who they are when I am what I am.

To wit: Last summer I worked at the front desk at "Massage to Love" in the mini-strip mall on South Bleeker and Awesomtown!!1! Place (best foot massages in town!) and I developed a skin abrasion problem just after they hired me (methinks it was an allergic reaction to the brass polish I used to spiff up those poles in the bathrooms), and well, needless to say, I never learned the delicate art of kabuki (touch therapy) that summer.

Oh well! I'm Bob Awe-kward, ready and willing!
I can't begin to tell you how many times people have asked about my name.
Funny thing . . .

No Worries!
Bob Awe-kward of Awesomtown!!1!